Mindful Communication: Key Principles that Influence Communication
Communication is a key aspect of our existence right from the moment we come into this world, till the last breath we take. As babies, we begin with two very simple and basic, yet powerful ways of communicating our needs and emotions – crying and smiling. As we grow up, we get access to the powerful tool of language to communicate and the complexity begins to increase.
While reflecting on how my thoughts around communication have evolved, I realized that it is a tool that I use every single moment of my life to speak with myself and others, yet I cannot recollect “consciously” learning how to use it, until I came across mindful communication. Mindful communication involves applying principles of mindfulness to communication. These principles include being fully present, listening with curiosity and bringing intentionality to what we say. Essentially, mindful communication is all about bringing a higher level of awareness to the process of listening and speaking. In fact, the principles of mindfulness make it almost inevitable to use communication as a precious resource and bring intentionality to how and when we use it.
Principles of Mindful Communication
1. Presence:
To me, the first principle of communicating mindfully, is to be “fully present”. Listening wholeheartedly, with our undivided attention and understanding not only what is said but also what is not said, requires us to stay deeply connected with the conversation. It is this connection that helps us understand the emotions intertwined with the words. While bringing our attentive selves to a conversation is something we may find easy, maintaining the same quality of attention throughout the conversation requires practice. We often find the mind wandering especially when we are not the ones speaking. This is where the practice of mindfulness helps cultivate “presence”. Being a student of mindfulness, I can tell you that while I am not anywhere near the level of mastery, even the most basic mindfulness practices have helped me understand my areas of opportunity when it comes to being “present”. I have learnt so much from conversations around me because I attempted to be present and listen with awareness and attention.
“The awareness that emerges through paying attention, on purpose, in the present, and non-judgmentally.”
– Jon Kabat-Zinn
The depth of awareness that mindfulness brings in goes beyond creating space for comprehending what is being said verbally and non-verbally – it creates space for connection, engagement and emergence of new ideas.
2. Curiosity:
Presence creates space for mindful communication and curiosity fills the space with soulful conversations. Curiosity brings in that wonderful quality to the conversation that helps us see the person in front of us for who they are. It adds intensity to our intention of listening wholeheartedly and open heartedly. What I love about curiosity is that it has the potential to open the mind to views that are in contrast with ours, and it is this openness that adds more texture and richness to our intellectual lives.It is said that one cannot be curious and judgmental at the same time and hence, by bringing curiosity to a conversation, we end up listening with non-judgement.
3. Intentionality and Ownership:
I can remember numerous instances in my life where I said something that landed very differently than what I had imagined and I ended up thinking to myself “but that is not what I meant”. Mindfulness has inspired me to start working towards bringing intentionality and owning what I say and how it lands with the listener/listeners. This high level of ownership is a trait that I have observed in many leaders that I look up to, and it has always inspired me. They mean what they say and say what they mean. They take full accountability of their choices, and what enables them to do so is their values. Mindfulness helps us to slow down, create space to make choices that are aligned with our values and take completely responsibility of what we say and do.
As, Viktor Frankl, an Austrian neurologist, psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor said, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
What we say matters. Each one of us has a voice and a choice to use it as an instrument to bring attention to what means the most to us. Discovering our voice, and using it as a powerful tool to fulfill our purpose and leave our mark can be a rewarding journey.
What do you feel inspired to use your voice for?
What do you want to listen for?
