Nurturing Generous and Authentic Relationships
“Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family.
Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.”
– Jane Howard
If we were to look back at all our achievements objectively, we are likely to notice that a significant part of those achievements, in some form, was realized through relationships. During the early phases of our life, it could have been family and later, in our professional life, it could have been colleagues, mentors or sponsors. Likewise, we may have contributed to the achievements and successes of others!
The more we reflect, our interdependence and the vital role of relationships in elevating our lives becomes evident. Building and nurturing relationships is the skill that will help us fulfill our purpose, find our tribe, and make a difference. Yet, creating supportive networks and nurturing relationships takes a backseat in our busy lives.
It may appear that some of us are predisposed to create, sustain and nurture good relationships while others are not. But what if we were to challenge this notion? What if understanding and building relationships was like learning any other skill, which, with some effort, intention and practice, anyone could do?
Start with gratitude
Reflect on your journey so far and think of the times where relationships have helped you get where you wanted to go. As I look back, I feel immense gratitude for all those who have contributed to mine – the dear friend who told me about the vacancy that got me my first job, the colleague who filled an internal job posting on my behalf because I wasn’t ready to apply, colleagues in Bangalore who welcomed me with open arms knowing that I had relocated from another city and didn’t have family here, my first mentor who took 30 minutes out every week to help me grow as a leader, and my ex-boss who reached out to me for a consultation when I started my independent practice as a consultant, amongst others.
Reflecting on our journey with gratitude towards those who have helped us along the way brings in greater intention to nurturing those relationships. In fact, as I was writing this article, I felt inspired to reach out to some of those who have supported me and tell them how grateful I am to have them in my life!
Lead with generosity
Best-selling author and global thought leader in relational and collaborative sciences, Keith Ferrazzi says, “If you expect people to focus on you, you have got to lead with generosity.”
Leading with generosity is all about asking ourselves, “how can I help?”, and bringing a 100% of ourselves to a relationship, without keeping scores or making it transactional. At the most basic level we can begin by trying to answer how we make others feel in our presence.
Being really good at what we do and offering more in value than was expected is also a way of leading with generosity. Taking it a notch higher would be to think about what is personally important to those who are in our circle and reflecting on how we can support them – what resources and connections can we make available for them? This of course requires being fully present and genuinely curious about areas of their life that matter the most to them.
A couple of years ago when my father was struggling with a health condition, a dear friend referred me to an award-winning doctor whose expertise helped us during the tough phase. That is a gesture I will never forget. Nurturing that relationship now comes very naturally to me because this friend took genuine interest in what meant the most to me at that time.
Employ courage
Some of the relationships that we want to build may be with people who we deeply admire and from whom we wish to learn – such as mentors. Initiating relationships like these requires us to step forward and tell those who we deeply admire that we’d like to learn from them.
Employing courage in seeking mentors has been one of the most rewarding activities in my career. Once I took the first bold step I followed it with generosity to ensure that I do justice to those investing their time in me, and was thoughtful of what I could do to be of value in the relationship – all of which deepened my bonds with my mentors.
Courage opened up the opportunity for me to learn from some of the best in their respective fields. A few ways we could create value for our mentors could be to find out which of their projects matter the most to them and then contribute to those projects via research, providing useful content, or helping with relevant connections.
Be curious
Staying connected and curious about what matters the most to those who we care about helps us be the “value creator” in relationships. Larry Banet, CEO of the Speakers and Authors Networking Group is known to be a great connector. Two powerful questions that he says help him connect with people are:
- What are you most passionate about?
- What are the projects that are most important to you right now?
These questions are not only great conversation starters but also allow us to get an insight into how we can create value for the person we are speaking to. There may be instances when passions, areas of interest and projects intersect and create opportunities to collaborate! In some cases, we may not be able to create value right away but may come across an opportunity to offer support in the future.
As social beings we have a need to connect, to interact with each other, and to share emotionally and intellectually. Research shows that we function better, live longer and more joyfully if our social needs are met. Gratitude, generosity, courage and curiosity can be the tools that help us create high quality relationships and supportive networks that not only support our growth but are bonds we cherish for life.
