Shreya Dhingra: Keys to Building a Charismatic Presence
Presence is visceral; it originates in how we think about ourselves. It begins with our inner feelings of confidence (or lack of it), which we then exhibit via our body language, appearance, social dynamics, people skills, choice of words and voice.
In today’s world, to dismiss the power of presence – how we look, communicate and present ourselves and our ideas – is to be in denial. Having a charismatic presence is an important tool for effective communication. This holds true especially for women who are often conditioned, and hence comfortable, to stay small, listen and watch, imbibe, not talk much, not have an assertive presence in the boardroom (or home) and not have their ideas taken seriously. Today, more than ever, an executive presence matters if we want to be heard. It helps us portray ourselves as more confident and allows us to go about our work and relationships with more ease and grace.
An important attribute of our presence is our body language. It registers instantly and unquestionably in the minds of those who receive it because humans respond to physiology far more than words. The advantage of body language lies in it being visible! Shreya Dhingra, one of the country’s leading image consultants and founder of Your Image and I, believes that non-verbal communication is hugely unexplored and undervalued. She shares with us three keys for women to having a more charismatic presence.
Take space: our stance in a meeting, while talking to someone or being a spectator is often such that we take up negligible space. It displays underconfidence from the get go. We often sit with our legs crossed or our hands crossed over our knee – stances that essentially mimic closing up. Men, on the other hand, take more space – they usually keep their arms on the arm rest, they lean in, or they stand with their hands on their waist, which is a known power pose. A stance that takes up space makes us appear more authoritarian and sure of ourselves, hence demanding greater attention.
Use your hands: Using our hands makes us sound more believable. It complements our words, expands our expression vocabulary and is a great way to reinforce our message. Hand gestures are also crucial to keep receiving back our own energy – physiologically, when we use our hands for an intensive activity, our heart starts pumping faster. So when making a point, using our hands instantly makes us feel more lively and energetic. It’s important to be careful with hand gestures though – ensure that they are following the same theme as your words and don’t go overboard, which can be distracting for others.
Use your face: Our face, more than our eyes, is the window to our emotions. Paul Ekman, who started studying micro expressions nearly 60 years ago, stated them to be universal signals. Culturally, we feel that using our face to express will make us look dramatic and attract undue attention. But it is imperative to express basic genuine emotions – happiness, sadness, anger, fear, disgust, contempt and surprise – through facial expressions to display authenticity.
For a lot of us who are not used to any of the above, incorporating them in our body language may feel unnatural and uncomfortable. But the stress of that eases out as soon as we realise that these are acquired skills. We can learn them at any stage of our lives. Consistent and patient practice is the key. Give yourself the permission to use these gestures every day – as little or more as feels comfortable. Practice in non-threatening environments first. Start with your family to see if they are receiving your messages better. Practice in front of the mirror at home. As Amy Cuddy says, “Do it till you become it.” Over time, as this body language begins to feel more natural (and it will!), you can introduce it at your workplace.
Steadily but surely this body language will enhance your communication style, make you feel more confident, bring you closer to achieving your goals but most importantly, it will make you feel heard. And being heard is one of the most empowering things we can feel as women.
About the Expert
A certified counselling psychologist and an international executive image coach to some of the world’s biggest corporate houses and individuals across industries – Shreya Dhingra is a leading image consultant. She works with both men and women on how they can have a more confident, charismatic and assertive presence at work and otherwise. Her company, Your Image and I, has facilitated transformations of innumerable clients – primarily achieved through body behavior, social psychological skills, public speaking, vocal intelligence and wardrobe management.
