You don’t need Confidence. You need THIS.

“I want to be more confident.”

…is probably one of the biggest goals for many of us.

We often look at confidence as a miracle drug that can give us the super-human power to do and be anything we want.

Conversely, the number one reason we also often give ourselves for not doing something is some variation of, “Oh, I will do it when I feel more confident; when I feel more ready.”

All roads, in other words, lead to confidence, or the lack of it.

“I will speak up more when I feel more confident.”

“I will speak about my work and my accomplishments more when I feel more confident.”

“I will put myself out there more when I feel confident.”

In all my years of coaching clients, if there is one thing I have observed, it’s that our focus on confidence is misplaced.

We don’t need confidence. What we need is a healthy dose of courage. What’s the difference, you ask? Let’s talk about it.

What is confidence? Confidence is the voice in your head that says, “I can do this.”

What is courage? Courage is the voice in your head that says “I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t know if I can do this well. I don’t know if I will succeed or if I will fail. BUT, I am going to do it anyway, because it’s important to me.”

That distinction between confidence and courage is important.

Confidence comes over time. But the first time, indeed the first few times, you do something that is new to you – whether that’s leading a large team for the first time, leading a project of a certain scale for the first time, or speaking in front of a large audience for the first time, you simply don’t have enough data points from your past to be able to say, “I can do this.”

Any talk about confidence, then, is essentially irrelevant.

It’s a given that the first time you take on a new challenge, your confidence will be low. By focusing so much on your lack of confidence, not only do you stop yourself from taking action, but you also kill your self-esteem, which only leaves you feeling lousy.

What you need in all those instances is courage. The most important question you can ask yourself in order to build courage is – how important is this to me? 

Once you have a clear why for taking action, the next question is – what is the tiniest act of courage I can undertake that will allow me to move forward?

You then take that action, and then another small action, and then another small action. That is how, bit by bit by bit, you build the courage to do the things that are important to you.

Warmly,
Bhavna Toor
Chief Mindfulness Officer
Shenomics