A counterintuitive way to network better at work
Read time: 3 minutes
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Ben Franklin Effect: A counterintuitive way to network better at work
Most people get networking wrong.
For the longest time, I thought the way to build strong professional relationships was to give more, do more, prove more.
Be helpful. Be impressive. Be valuable.
And while those things matter, I’ve come to realize something that completely shifted how I approach connection and leadership.
It’s rooted in a simple story about Benjamin Franklin.
Franklin once had a rival – someone who didn’t particularly like him.
Now, most of us, in that situation, would try to win the person over by being agreeable, generous, or impressive.
Franklin did something completely different.
He asked him for a favor.
A small one.
He borrowed a rare book from him.
And something interesting happened after that.
The rival’s attitude toward Franklin shifted. He became warmer. More open. Eventually, even an ally.
At first, this feels counterintuitive.
Why would asking for help make someone like you more?
But psychology explains it beautifully:
The brain doesn’t say, “I helped them, so they owe me.”
It says, “I helped them… so I must like them.”
This is what we now call the Ben Franklin Effect.
And once I truly understood this, I started noticing how often we do the opposite – especially as women.
We overextend.
We over-deliver.
We try to earn our place in the room by constantly proving our worth.
I’ve done this too.
Thinking that the more I gave, the more I would be valued.
But real connection…real trust…doesn’t always come from giving more.
Sometimes, it comes from allowing others to contribute.
From creating space for shared ownership.
From saying, “Let me not do this alone.”
And this is where this idea becomes deeply relevant for how we lead and show up at work.
What this looks like in practice
- Ask for perspective, not just approval
Instead of trying to present the perfect idea, I’ve started inviting others into the thinking process.
“Hey, I’d love your thoughts on this – what am I not seeing?”
It shifts the dynamic from performance → collaboration.
2. Create moments of contribution
If you’re leading a team, don’t carry everything yourself.
Ask. Involve. Delegate meaningfully.
People feel more invested in what they help build.
3. Let go of the need to always have the answer
There’s strength in saying, “I’m figuring this out too.”
It doesn’t reduce your credibility.
It increases your relatability.
4. Build trust through participation, not perfection
Instead of asking, “How do I prove my value here?”
I’ve learned to ask, “How can I create a moment of shared ownership?”
That one shift changes how people experience you.
Because here’s what I’ve come to believe:
Connection isn’t built through grand gestures.
It’s built through small, conscious human moments.
Moments where people feel seen.
Included.
Valued. Not just for what they receive, but for what they get to contribute.
So the next time you find yourself trying to impress…
Pause.
And ask yourself:
Where can I invite someone in instead?
Invitation: Join Our Next Focus Group (Limited Spots)
We’re opening up a few intimate spaces over the next couple weeks to have real, unfiltered conversations with women from our community. We’ll explore:
- Where you’re in your career right now
- What’s feeling hard or unclear
- Where do you need more support
You’ll walk away with the opportunity to directly shape what we build at Shenomics next – a new learning experience designed for women like you, launching later this year.
No preparation needed. Just show up as you are.
We’re keeping this intentionally small – only 10 women per session, on a first-come, first-served basis.
Register below:
Focus Group Discussion – May 16
With warmth,
Bhavna