The Root of all CONFIDENCE

If there is one magical quality that most of us want, it is CONFIDENCE.

Here is something key I want you to understand about what’s really at the root of confidence.

If you understand this, you will understand confidence.

Confidence comes from the Latin word – confidere – which means “to have trust” – to have trust in yourself.

Which begs the question – How do you build trust in yourself? Let’s look at the science of trust.

When it comes to building trust in someone, Dr Massey and colleagues have found there are two distinct forms of trust that play a significant role, ‘cognitive’ and ‘affective.’ Both are essential.

First, there is cognitive trust, which gets built when someone consistently honors the commitments they make to us. For example, if you have a colleague who always does what they say they’ll do, that makes it easier for you to trust them.

The second kind of trust, which is equally important, is affective trust. This develops when you feel someone has genuine care and concern for you. For example, if you are working with a leader whom you believe has your best interests at heart, and that their feedback comes from a genuine desire to see you learn and grow, you are more likely to have confidence in their leadership abilities.

Now, let’s bring this back to YOU and look at how you can leverage both kinds of trust to build your confidence.

First, to build cognitive trust in yourself and in your abilities, the question you want to ask is how can you consistently honor the promises that you are making to yourself.

You can do that by making it easier to make and keep those promises, at least in the beginning.

For example, let’s say you are making a promise to yourself to eat healthier. Don’t say, “starting tomorrow, I will do a complete overhaul of my diet.” That’s not realistic, and if you fail, you’ll only find that voice of self-doubt that questions you getting stronger (“See, I told you, you couldn’t do it!”). Instead of changing your entire diet, maybe you begin with making just one small change because that’s an easier promise to keep.

Secondly, to build affective trust, if and when you do fail to honor the commitments you are making to yourself, as we all do from time to time, don’t beat yourself up over it. Instead, be kind to yourself, and simply re-commit to showing up the next day to do what you have to do.

Confidence comes from knowing – I am the kind of person who is going to do what I need to do, whether I feel like it or not, and irrespective of the outcome, I am always going to be kind to myself.

So, if the root of confidence is trust, the question I want to ask you is – How can you make it easier to build trust with yourself?

Warmly,
Bhavna Toor
Chief Mindfulness Officer
Shenomics