Why “Be Yourself” is Dangerous Advice

Dear Friend,

Authenticity is almost universally considered an admirable trait.

We love people who are true to themselves; people who are unapologetically themselves.

Many of us believe we have an “authentic self” – and that if we are always true to who we think we are, then we will make the best decisions.

But, is that always true?

Our personality – or who we think we are – can also become an easy crutch to fall back on whenever we want to justify not taking action, even when we know taking action could lead to a better outcome for us or others.

“I’m not going to put myself out there or talk about my work. That’s bragging. And, that’s not me.”

“I’m not going to have that difficult conversation; it’s not like me to engage in conflict.”

“I am not going to ask for help; it’s not like me to depend on others.”

“I’m not going to engage in networking; I’m more of an introvert.”

As Adam Grant once said, “if authenticity is what you prize most in life, there is a danger you could be stunting your own development.”

And that is why, “Simply be yourself,” could be dangerous advice, and keep you trapped in your own limitations.

So, what’s a better way to think about Authenticity?

As Dr. Benjamin Hardy writes in ‘Personality isn’t Permanent’ – your personality or who you think you are is not fixed. You are constantly changing, and evolving.

So, to whom should you be true  – the you in the present, or the you in the future?

The answer: Be true to the vision you have of your best self, in light of your highest goals and your purpose.

At its simplest level, your best self can be defined by the values you choose to honour, above all else.

If courage is a value of yours, then it does not matter if you are shy or an introvert. If you see something wrong, you speak up.

If compassion is a value of yours, it does not matter if putting yourself out there makes you cringe. If you think your work can serve others, you share it as widely as you can.

If kindness is a value of yours, it does not matter if confrontation makes you feel uncomfortable. If your feedback can genuinely help someone, the kinder thing to do is to share it.

So, no, don’t be yourself. 

Be your best self. 🙂